Strawberry Panic!  Another Light
by 01077701
Summary: A direct sequel to the anime series, dealing with events right after the incident at the Etoile election, and exploring the characters inner demons and darker sides. Please review and give some constructive criticism.
1. Prologue: Reflection

Hi!

The idea for this came from the feelings I had when I finished Strawberry Panic; disappointment. It was a fantastic show, but the ending had so many loose ends, so much of the characters unexplored. This is my shot at giving the show a better sense of closure. I'll be uploading a new chapter about every three days, sooner if I can write fast enough.

This is my first fanfic, please let me know what you think!

22/11/07 - I got a pretty scathing review and it's made me think about the story so far. As a result, I'm re-writing or adding to the chapters I've done. So please, if you're new, wait until I've updated it, should be in a few days.

23/11/07 - 00:45 - First part of First chapter makeover done and uploaded.

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Prologue - Reflection

The room was getting darker and darker as the sun fell down behind the trees of the thick forest that surrounded Astraea Hill, the silhouettes of Miator, Spica and Lulim lining the horizon. Suzumi Tamao lay on her bed inside the Strawberry Dorms, watching the sun retreat from out of the window. She was alone.

_Even the sun's abandoning me._

Images of the _Etoile_ election flashed through her mind. The joy, the success, the look on her best friend's face. The approaching moment where she would be bound together with that girl, Aoi Nagisa, under the title of _Etoile_. And then, Shizuma's appearance and her doing what Tamao herself could never do. Her and Nagisa fleeing the church, leaving Tamao. Her eyes welled up with tears. It had been a day and they still weren't back yet. Tamao felt sick as she imagined them kissing, making love or even just holding hands. All the things she had wanted to do with Nagisa. And she could do nothing, _nothing _to stop her, nothing to claim her for herself. Tamao felt lonely, abandoned at the altar, as it were, by someone she thought was her best friend. And the worst thing was that she knew that Nagisa loved Shizuma. Easily as much as Tamao loved Nagisa, and more than Nagisa would ever love Tamao. She remembered the way that Nagisa's eyes sparkled whenever she looked at Shizuma. Even before Tamao knew her, she had been trnsfixed by Shizuma. Her eyes had never looked so admiringly or so longingly at Tamao. They probably never will.

Tamao sighed. she walked over to her desk and pulled open a drawer. In a small cardboard folder, tucked inbetween other bits and pieces of work, was her poem. The one that made Nagisa's face light up with awe. Tamao hadn't written it about her - she started it before Nagisa transfered - but every day it seemed to have grown more and more relevant. Nagisa was an unattainable goal, like the rainbow. She was a girl whom, no matter how far Tamao ran, would never become as close as she wanted her to be. But the poem talked about never giving up, out of sheer hope, a determination to achieve the goal, no matter that the hardships. Nagisa was too far away, and Tamao wanted to give up, wanted to move on, wanted to be able to so much as talk to her without longing for their skin to touch, their lips to bind. Just to end the pain of not having her. But Nagisa was too...perfect. Tamao didn't understand how anyone could _not_ fall in love with her. It was hopeless. _Was it my fault we could only ever be friends?_

* * *

_Was it my fault we could only ever be friends?_ Nanto Yaya sat on the floor, back to the wall, staring as the spot where she kissed _her_, where she was pushed away by _her_, where she knew she could never repair things with _her_. She thought things had become better, thought they could at least be best friends. Yaya knew she could lie to herself about her feelings, lie to the world about her feelings for Konohana Hikari, her best friend. Anything was better than not having Hikari at all. Perhaps feeling that some day, they could _somehow_ be more than friends, the way Yaya wished from the very bottom of her heart. But Hikari did not love her the same way that Yaya loved Hikari. Her heart belonged to that _bitch_ Ootori Amane, who was probably with her _right now_. Yaya had not seen her best friend since she and Amane were declared the new _Etoiles_. Was it that even a best friend was not enough to tear her away from Amane, or was it simply that Hikari did not want to return to her?

The problem began before that. They had been best friends since they met behind the church, in the garden, but even then, Hikari had run from her. She had been running ever since, it would seem. Every time Yaya had touched her, had gotten close to her, Hikari had seemed as though she would have rather been anywhere else. Yaya would have done anything for Hikari, but the more she thought back, the more she felt that Hikari acted the same way out of a feeling of obligation rather than because she genuinely cared. Yaya felt tears fall down her face as she though back. _Was everything we did since that day just lip service? _

_Her lips. _When Yaya had kissed her, and she was so..._repulsed...w_as it simply because of shock, or because she was still shaken from Kenjou Kaname's rape attempt, or was it really because any thought of being so close, so intimate with Yaya filled her with disgust? _Or fear._ Yaya saw the look on Hikari's face that night when they were practising for choir. The moment Yaya moved closer, even with the most innocent of intentions, she had recoiled. _She's afraid of me. She is terrified I'll kiss her, I'll touch her. She's scared I'll look at her one day and do what Kaname did to her._ Hikari did not even trust her enough to keep her word about that never happening again. Maybe she never had, never would. _Was that why I was so easily abandoned?_

* * *

_She's abandoned me. _Tsukidate Chiyo curled up under her bedsheets and felt tears well up in her eyes. _Nagisa promised she would always be my big sister. My Nagisa-oneesama._ She had not seen Nagisa for...well it seemed like an age. Chiyo knew that she could never replace Shizuma in Nagisa's heart; she noticed that love even before Nagisa herself had, but she never wanted that kind of love from her. Nagisa had cared about her, had looked out for her, like the big sister she never had, but always wanted. Chiyo didn't want a lover, she just wanted someone, anyone, to show her a kind of girl-to-girl affection, and the girl she called Nagisa-oneesama was going to be that one. She was so sure of it. She had tried so hard. Tried so hard to make Nagisa care about her. Everything she did, she scrutinised from the point of view of Nagisa. Even herself. _Am I doing well enough? Do I seem to try to hard? Am I charming enough? Will she want me as her little sister?_ And now Nagisa had been swept off her feet by the girl she loved and had left Chiyo behind. _Have I failed completely? Should I give up?

* * *

__I feel like I'm giving up._ Rokujo Miyuki stared up as the steam from the bath made the light seem to dance. Her bags were packed. She didn't need them packed for a while now, she wasn't leaving for a while, but she liked to sever ties before she really needed to, so as to let the load down easier. She always preferred to have things done in advance. Just like the man she didn't know, and had never met, but was planned to marry in just a few months. She couldn't even recall his name. To her parents she was a commodity, her wedding this man, even before she was old enought to walk, was simply to tie two rival businesses together. Love was not good enough for the family, only their money was. She would not be able to have a career, she would just have to be a dutiful wife to a husband that she doesn't know and doesn't care about. _But who do I care about?_ _Is it Shizuma?_ No, she was so sure that her relationship with Shizuma was platonic. _At least now._ Both she and Shizuma knew that she had once loved her. Maybe she still had a few feelings for her old friend. But Shizuma played the biggest role in Miyuki's life when Miyuki was little, as a protector, a far more confident girl who would help her when she was scared or homesick. Shizuma was like an older sister. Now Miyuki felt like she was the more mature, more responsible one, the reliable one. Shizuma was impulsive where Miyuki was considerate. Shizuma was wreckless where Miyuki was careful. Shizuma only cared about her own agenda; she was childlike and foolish. Miyuki had become her own woman, and Shizuma was her best friend, but she didn't need Shizuma anymore, not like she did. She didn't need anyone anymore. She was, after all, the Student Council President.

(_But only for another two weeks_)

Miyuki sighed heavily. She thought of everything she'd achieved at Miator. She'd gotten exceptional grades, rose to a position of responsibility. It seemed that all that would be for nothing. There was nothing for her past her graduation, except to "settle down". Just another housewife. Miyuki defined herself by her authority, her hard work. She was happy when she knew she was respected. How could she be happy when the only thing in her life was domestic servitude? Oh the great Japanese feminine empowerment. Miyuki felt sick. _Beyond this school, there is nothing that I value. There is nothing I've thought of achieving. No-one I care about._

She slumped back against the end of the bath, her mind filled with a feeling of something terrifying in the distance, rushing ever closer.

* * *

_Why does she love me?_ Konohana Hikari looked up at the ceiling, wrapped in the embrace of Ootori Amane. Her prince. Her angel. Was Hikari's tiny, cowering frame enough to become the object of the heart of one so wonderful? Amane could have anyone she wanted. She was beautiful, charming, talented. _And yet __**she**__ called __**me**__ an angel._

Hikari would have been happy with just being in Amane's presence, yet why was it that when Amane kissed her, it was so similar to when Yaya kissed her? Why was it that when Amane leant over Hikari and undid the buttons on her dress, it was so similar to when Kaname tried to do the same to her? Was she really so scared of being touched that even the girl she loved so much could still repulse her simply with physical contact?_

* * *

__Why when I touch her does she shudder so?_ Ootori Amane stared at the back of the head of the naked angel lying in her arms, and stroked her shining golden hair gently. She loved this girl so much. Every time Hikari froze momentarily as soon as Amane's hand touched hers, Amane felt sick. _Maybe even she doesn't know she does it?_ Was Kaname why? Amane thought of Kenjou Kaname, the girl who was prepared to "seduce" Hikari just to feel a sense of victory over Amane. The girl who hated her enough to try to take the only person that mattered from her. _And yet she made me realise I had to become Etoile._ Amane couldn't for the life of her figure out _why_. Amane had heard that Kaname was obsessed with her, at least at some point in the past. She knew Amane was in love with Hikari before anyone. Was she really intent on hurting Amane, or was there something else to it?

* * *

_Am I really the love of this beautiful girl, or is there something else to it?_ Aoi Nagisa lay on the bed in Shizuma's "holiday home", listening to the sound of the shower in the next room. _Kaori's bed_. Nagisa knew only too well how in love Shizuma was with Kaori. For the last two years, ever since Kaori passed away, Shizuma had never connected with another person in the same way she had before. No-one could replace Kaori to her. _Was I ever just a replacement Kaori? Something to momentarily fill the gap?_ Nagisa remembered back to the first time she and Shizuma had met. Shizuma had immediately tried to kiss her. _Why?_ Was it convenient timing, or did Nagisa specifically remind her of Kaori? _Does she still?_ _And why do I feel so strange?_ She thought of how she felt when she first kissed Shizuma, or after, in Shizuma's room. A feeling that something had occurred, an event that she could never go back from. Something that she never thought she would do Was that what she felt now, escalating every time Shizuma's lips touched hers, every time their bodies intertwined?_ Am I still uncomfortable with the thought of being in love with her? Will this discomfort ever go away?_

_Is this love?_


	2. Chapter 1: Return

Chapter 1 - Return

"Etoile Konohana-sama?"

For a few moments, Hikari forgot that that was referring to her. She put down the watering can and turned around. She saw Rokujo Miyuki standing at the door of the giant greenhouse. Anyone but Miyuki would have delegated the task of Student Council President to a successor by now, but Hikari had heard from Amane that Rokujou had fought tooth and nail for that particular title, so it was unsurprising that she did not want to give it up just yet. Hikari had almost expected her to act with only half the vigor with which she had served Hanazono Shizuma - the two of them were very close throughout their school career - but she had dramatically underestimated Rokujou's professionalism, even when begrudgingly serving under Etoiles from their rival school; as the Student Council President, she appreciated that it was her duty to assist the Etoiles, whoever they may be.  
"Hello Rokujou-sama!" she tried to add a little more helpful enthusiasm than normal to help compensate for initially ignoring her "Shall I get Amane-senpai?" Amane was more suited to official business than Hikari herself was; after all, she was the one everyone supported during the election, as well as being more assertive and a lot more confident, and Hikari was more an object of respectful envy to the school populace than a real authority figure. Hikari was surprised, however, as Rokujou shook her head.  
"This concerns you." She motioned for Hikari to sit down. "A new problem student has come to the fore since your taking up the role of Etoile."  
She passed a file to Hikari, who took it and opened it. The words NANTO YAYA stood out in thick black type at the top of the front sheet. "Since your coronation she has skipped all her classes, not appeared at meals and your friend, Tsubomi-chan, informs us that she has not left her room. She says she just lies on her bed looking up at the ceiling."  
Hikari's breath caught. She stared at the file photo of her best friend and read the papers attached. Truancy, truancy, truancy. Rokujou was unsurprised to see tears well up in Hikari's eyes. _It's because of you, isn't it? _"Go talk to her. I'll tell Amane-sama where you are."  
Hikari picked up the watering can again and continued tending to the plants. "She won't want to see me quite yet. I'll talk to her tomorrow." She knew Yaya well enough to know that the more steam she was allowed to let off, the more reasonable and co-operative she'd be, and decided to put off dealing with her for as long as possible. Plus, a Yaya without the maximum possible time to calm down was a prospect a little too scary for Hikari.

* * *

The last time Aoi Nagisa had walked up this corridor seemed an age ago. So much had happened since then. The last time she left here she was going to the Etoile election. That beautiful dress. Ribbons in her hair. Next to her was Tamao. Nagisa's stomach hollowed. Tamao. She hadn't thought of her friend the whole time she was away. Her best friend, whose Etoile dreams Nagisa had shattered when she ran away with Shizuma during the election. _How will Tamao react to seeing me?_ She rounded the corner and walked along the corridor. Stopped outside the room and rested hand ton the doorknob. Nagisa had only opened it slightly when it was pulled open with superhuman strength. Nagisa was pulled forward and crashed to the ground. "NAGISA-CHAN!"  
Before she could so much as pick herself up, she felt Tamao's arms wrap tightly around her. She was pleased that her friend didn't hate her and everything, but...  
"...Tamao-chan...I can't breathe..."

* * *

As soon as Nagisa was changed and two steaming cups of tea were laid out on the table, Tamao began squeezing her for information as to what had happened. Nagisa had no idea what she was supposed to say or what she wasn't, so in the end she ended up telling only the very minimum. Tamao still seemed satisfied by this abridged account of events, and didn't seem to miss the more personal details at all. Nagisa failed to notice the slight twitches whenever Shizuma's name came up, or the increasing regularity with which Tamao rubbed her eyes. Tamao felt she was keeping up the pretense of being happy for her friend quite well. But every time Nagisa talked about holding or kissing or making love to Shizuma, she felt as if she had on thumbscrews being twisted tighter and tighter. Perhaps Nagisa was a little too naive to notice the tears gathering in Tamao's eyes, the increased tightness of her fists. Too naive to notice how Tamao's head was becoming more and more bowed, her eyes increasingly avoiding hers. Certainly, she appeared to have missed it completely with all of her usual innocence. Had she ever realized her best friend was in love with her? Had she really only thought of Tamao's attempts at flirting as "just teasing"? Or... 

"Tamao-chan, how about we have a midnight tea party tomorrow? I haven't seen the others in a few days, and before then we couldn't because of..." She sensed that she should avoid the subject of the election for at least a little longer.  
Tamao looked up at her. Had she not heard yet? "Umm...no-one would come." Nagisa looked predictably taken aback, so Tamao elaborated. "Hikari-chan's no longer on this floor, she's moved into a room with Amane-sama, and no-one's seen Yaya-chan since the election. Some people said it was just a fight over Hikari-chan moving out, but between you and me..." she lent closer, whispering, "...the two of them haven't been the same since the...incident a few weeks back, just before the arts festival."  
"Did we ever find out what that was?" Nagisa asked, slightly more aggressively than to merely suggest light curiosity - she notoriously resented feeling "out-of-the-loop" with gossip - but Tamao shook her head, giggling.  
"Yaya-chan's probably just a little jealous at being only number two in Hikari-chan's life. She'll get over it as soon as Hikari drops the ball on something and needs her help. It'll pass within a week." Tamao curiosity in the subject was re-ignited now. She knew there was more to it, as she'd let slip to Nagisa. _But what?_ As she took another sip of her tea she realized she had not taken her eyes of Nagisa since the conversation had begun. Her eyes had been unwaveringly mapping out her neckline, the sides of her face, the outline of her lips. The urge to kiss Nagisa was overpowering. Tamao knew what would happen if she did, however. She'd played the scene over in her head a thousand times, and every time, Nagisa had run away. Tamao could never do that. She stood up and sat down next to Nagisa, and hugged her tightly, happily noting Nagisa hugging her back. But even this contact could not hold back a dull, hollow feeling in her stomach, the acknowledgment that that was all they would ever do.

* * *

Miyuki made her way from the Council Meeting Room, clutching an ungodly amount of notes and loose papers - this meeting had been a long one, with that impatient bitch Tomori Shion criticizing everything she said or did as incompetence on the behalf of Miator School - and pondering again over Shizuma. It was strange having Hikari and Amane at the head of the table instead of Shizuma; for one, the chance of the Etoile not bothering to show up was greatly reduced. But at the same time, while Amane and Hikari were a damn sight more reliable than Shizuma, an interesting pattern had occurred in the meeting. Whenever Shion and Miyuki had been arguing, Amane had a tendency to interrupt as Miyuki was counter-arguing. Perhaps Miyuki was too used to a slight bias towards her school, but while she imagined the more submissive Hikari would bend to Shion's will, she was surprised to see that the more headstrong and impartial Amane was still refusing to play the councils neutrally. Perhaps this was how Shion and Chikaru had felt during meetings when Shizuma had been Etoile, she wondered, as she climbed the stairs up to the lounge. 

"Meetings feel funny without me yet?"

Miyuki was unsurprised to hear Shizuma's soft, silken voice from behind her; in an attempt to retain a feeling of some power, Shizuma had taken to creeping up on Miyuki in an attempt to startle her. Miyuki did not have the tolerance to indulge this. "You have no idea. Amane-san and Hikari-san are eating right out of Shion-san's hand, which means I'm going to be spending my last few weeks looking incompetent to the council. Whenever, Shion-san and I are…debating something, they break it up just as I'm trying to get my point across. Plus, without Kenjou Kaname-san and Kiyashiki Momomi-san second-guessing everything she does and trying to push their own agendas, she's grown a lot bolder with her schemes."  
"Kenjou and Kiyashiki quit?"  
Miyuki knew how well connected Shizuma was, and was very aware that Shizuma simply wanted to hear a more reliable version of events; whatever happened around the school, Shizuma knew more about it than anyone, and this would hardly be an exception. She knew what had happened without a doubt. Miyuki grinned knowingly at Shizuma, "They'd done something to Amane-sama and Hikari-sama prior to the election, and now that they're the most powerful people on the school, it's no surprise the two of them decided to be in the same room as the two new Etoiles for as little time as possible." She leaned closer to Shizuma and said under her breath, "But I heard the two of them, Kenjou in particular, were the ones who convinced Amane-san to run for Etoile. There was also some related incident involving Hikari-sama, but I don't know what."  
Shizuma's face lit up into a smile of comprehension. "Have you heard about Nanto Yaya-chan?" When Miyuki nodded, so Shizuma continued "I bet anything that the reason she won't come out of her room is something to do with that incident, according to Nagisa, after that, the two of them fell out for a while."  
Miyuki smiled; she knew that Shizuma would mention Nagisa sooner of later. "Is that what you think, eh? And how is Nagisa? How did she take abandoning Tamao at the election?"  
To her surprise, Shizuma's face dropped a little. "Something was off with her the whole time we were away."  
"Probably the election?"  
"No, this was something else. She's never been in a relationship with another girl before. I remember how I felt when I first met Kaori. That feeling of "what does this mean? How will people see me now. I mean, you spend all your time wondering whether people see you the same way, or whether your friends wonder it you love them. I could see that in her eyes when we kissed while on the summer holiday. Not knowing what to do or how to react. A point of no return."  
"I wouldn't know," Miyuki stated coolly.  
Realizing that she may have hit a nerve, she pointed across the room, to the staircase which Hikari and Amane had just climbed up, and asked "I wonder if Hikari-san felt the same when fist kissing Amane-san?"


	3. Chapter 2:Still Hidden

Just quickly, thanks to everyone who's read so far, and who's reading now. Also, thanks to Lestaki, for getting me to redo the first chapter, although it's not as extensive as you wanted, as I find it more fun to write from multiple perspectives than to do each at a time, as I'm a fan of quickly switching multiple narratives and intertwining story arcs, which would be awkward to do across a project of several different stories from one character at a time.

* * *

Chapter 2 - Still Hidden 

The crumbs on Yaya's top were beginning to annoy her, but after so many days of so little movement, motivation for so much as lifting her arm was running low. She hadn't quite made her mind up as to _why_ she was doing this, but the way she saw it, she would much spend the day crying or zoning in and out of consciousness alone in her (and no-one else's) room than doing so in a classroom in front of every one in Spica. Tsubomi had taken in upon herself to bring Yaya meals. She had been nowhere except her bed or the bathroom for three days. It was Saturday today, so she could get away with it for one more day before the prefects started banging on her door, or the dorm sister; perhaps she may even be graced with the appearance of the _blessed_ Etoiles, _God forbid _they should be so much inclined to say a word to her since Hikari moved out. That was good. That could be her reason. She was _absolutely not coming out until Hikari will talk to me. It's only because I care about her, kinda self-sacrificing really._

Hikari. Her best friend. Her true love, or so she thought. She was suddenly breathless as she remembered Hikari, or rather couldn't quite; the mental image was hazy, as if it had been weeks since she had last seen her. Long, golden hair which, at this time of year, caught the light perfectly and looked dazzling. A face made completely of softly curving lines, beautiful eyes which were never able to hide her emotions. A singing voice which could break the heart, both flawlessly beautiful and somehow restrained and timid and at it's core, lonely, and a speaking voice that made this only more overt. She gave off a presence of kindness and beauty, but also delicacy and fragility, like she could break at any moment, at so much as a careless word and never be fixed. Was that what it was? Had Yaya cracked something in her that Hikari could never risk fully breaking? Was it irreparable? Was their friendship truly over? No, she wasn't so much fragile as simply, basically _sad._ Everything about her radiated sorrow, a basic heartbroken lack of happiness which was unfulfillable, at least by Yaya. She was sad, at least when Yaya had been with her, about Amane not knowing that she existed, or about Amane's "superiority" over her at first, then at her panic that the one she worshiped so expected a relationship.

And then about the fact that her best friend was in love with her.

And then about the thoughts of what that meant, that her _best friend _had lain awake at night staring at her back from across the room and wishing that she was in bed with her. And what was she wishing she was doing? Yaya hadn't ever had fully fledged sex fantasies about Hikari; she just seemed too pure, too innocent to be sexualised in her mind. All of Yaya's daydreams were of the two of them just holding hands or lying in bed cuddling. That was enough for her. But even as friends, Hikari had, if at all possible, completely eschewed any physical contact and was obviously uncomfortable with even a light touch. Yaya felt stupid. There was no way that Hikari, who would never even touch her by choice, could ever love her.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Yaya sat bolt upright, then thought for a second and lay back down. It was too early for Tsubomi to have dinner. For the sake of whoever it was, she shouted out "It's not a school day, you can't make me come out."  
She was surprised to hear Suzumi Tamao's voice from the other side of the door "Yaya-chan, it's me, Tamao. I wanted to know if you wanted to talk about Hikari-chan with someone."

The door clicked open.

The next thing Yaya knew, she had told Tamao everything. About being in love with Hikari, about saving her from Kenjou Kaname's rape attempt, about kissing Hikari, and about how they haven't been proper friends since. About how she_ ruined everything._ Yaya cried onto Tamao's shoulder for what seemed like hours, having finally told _someone_ how she felt about her best friend. And Tamao was _incredibly_ sympathetic towards her, hugging her and even crying at all the right moments. After Yaya had finished crying, she flopped back onto the bed and said "And now I'm not leaving until Hikari gets her arse up here to acknowledge my existence." Tamao grasped Yaya's hand tightly.  
"I'm in love with Nagisa-chan." she said, blankly.

Yaya whirled around to face her, disbelieving. The tears at Yaya's story, the same things had happened to her too. _This girl was just like her._ Tears glinted in Tamao's eyes as their hands tightened. Tamao explained about her version of the story, meeting in the hospital wing, and the infatuation which slowly turned to love. About how the girl she loved was gone forever, taken by the perfect girl and never given back. About how her best friend didn't even know of her feelings, let alone give them any thought. About how the girl she loved would never love her. Yaya knew everything she was going to say before she said it. The same things had gone around her own head every day. _The same things going through my head now._

* * *

Tamao eventually got up to leave. Yaya met this with a look of utmost desperation, as if terrified of being placed back into her own self-inflicted solitude. Tamao smiled sweetly at her, and said "You know, we'll all be waiting for you at dinner." She hugged Yaya tightly. She could hear Yaya's tears pouring down her face again, and felt Yaya's body shudder with powerful sobs. Then she heard Yaya whisper something into her ear, near-silently.  
"If that perfect opportunity came, when you could gamble it all on her falling in love with you, or else hating you forever, would you do it?"  
Tamao's breath slowed. In her mind she saw herself kissing Nagisa. Did she see Nagisa kissing her back? Or screaming and running away? She whispered back, "I don't know."  
To her surprise, Yaya broke into a warm smile as she said, "Well please have better luck making that decision than I did."

As Tamao stood up again, she kissed Yaya on the cheek and said, with a beautiful, warm smile, "I'll always be here for you, Yaya-chan", before walking out the door, leaving Yaya alone again.

* * *

Another Hikari dream. Yaya thought she was past this. The thoughts of Hikari chasing sleep away were less and less frequent as time went on, and Yaya had thought she'd be able to get a decent night's sleep. But the girl she loved was inside her dreams too. And yet as she saw them, all her memories of Hikari, every time they'd been together, every conversation they'd ever had, were…different somehow. Yaya ran the images through her head again and again. The other girl, the one she knew she loved so much, kept…changing. At times it was Hikari, she knew that, she could see that. But there were times when there was a more mature, more…identifiable girl, whose face she could not quite make out, for it was shrouded with shadow. But the voice, less childlike and gentle than Hikari's, seemed comfortingly familiar, and equally deserving of Yaya's love. If only she could see _who it was._

(_I'll always be here for you)_

* * *

Nagisa was getting steadily and steadily more impatient. She was sitting in a chair in the Strawberry Dorm lounge, waiting for Tamao and Shizuma to arrive. Tamao had told her to go ahead - she had work to do - but Shizuma should have been down aaaaaaages ago. She had been distracted for the last half hour when Chikaru and Kagome came over to her and chatted - or rather Chikaru chatted, what little communication Kagome did was, as usual, through Percival. As Percival's hand stroked her face sympathetically, Nagisa thought about that night in the music room, the words Kagome had said.  
_Why are you so sad?  
_At the time, she thought she knew what Kagome was saying, about her sorrow at Shizuma not having got over Kaori, but now she wasn't so sure. Was she any happier? She wasn't so sure she could answer that. She knew she should be. She was with the girl she loved, she had her friends, her health, good grades…and yet somehow, she was still unsure about actually being able to say she was happy.

Eventually, some others from Lulim arrived and they took their leave. Nagisa had just established a good spot on the ceiling to stare up at, when she heard an authorative voice next to her ear:

"You seem a little bored."

Nagisa jumped out of her skin, tipping the chair backwards and sending her sprawling into the middle of a crowd of startled Spica first-years behind her. Climbing to her feet amongst a shrill cacophony of the younger girls' screams, Nagisa, clutching back of her head, looked at her assailant. Upon causing such a minor event, there was only one girl in the entire student body too restrained to laugh; Rokujou Miyuki stood next to the overturned chair crossed-armed and purse-lipped. Nagisa didn't know her very well, only really encountering her when she had business with Shizuma or Tamao, and what conversations they had had were normally only there because they were required for some other goal, but she had been fond her ever since the first day of her life in Astraea Hill, when she had gotten Nagisa out of trouble with the Dorm Sister upon missing the curfew. Rubbing her stinging head, she asked "Is this something to do with Shizuma-sama? Because she'll be here in a bit."  
"That's the thing, she'll be late down tonight. Coursework to be done, and she isn't exactly the most committed worker, so it'll be a while before she's actually done any work."  
Nagisa was a little put out by this, Shizuma could have at least told her in person, but she was surprised to feel a slight sense of relief. This must have shown on her face, as something in Rokujou's face registered this; she grabbed a chair and sat down as she said "Or are things not going so well?".  
Nagisa, slightly reassured by the look of genuine caring on Rokujou's face, picked up her own chair, sat in it, and said "Whenever I kiss or touch her, there's a part of me that asks me what I'm doing. Asks how I got to that situation. I know I love her. But it's the idea of being in love with a _her_ that feels so…it makes me think, "What would a younger version of me think of this? Was this always going to be a part of my life?""  
Rokujou Miyuki grinned warmly. "Shizuma guessed right."  
Nagisa's eyes widened, and her heart sank. _She knows?_ Rokujou seemed to pick up on this, and her face took up an expression of almost motherly caring. She moved closer to Nagisa, every bit the reassuring senior; she was hoping she was playing the role right, she'd never found it easy to connect to other students, particularly younger ones. Nagisa was completely floored by the loveliness that the usually uptight Rokujou Miyuki was displaying. "It's _okay,_ Nagisa-san, she's worried about you, that's all. She knows you love her and everything. She says she felt the same when she first realized she loved Kaori. She doesn't care that you would rather remain roommates with Tamao-san than stay with her; she realises that we're only here for a few more weeks. She's just curious as to how you're coping. And so am I."  
Nagisa smiled; Rokujou had seemed to have become much more genuine in her attitude. Trying to act nonchalant, she simply said, "It's nothing, just a little culture shock. I'll be fine."

Suddenly Rokujou's face hardened. She said with extraordinary force, "Just blowing off these feelings will only make Shizuma worry more and more. Find what's causing them and put it right, for you _lover's_ sake if not for your own." With that unexpected change of mood, she stood up and turned to face the staircase. She turned her head to face Nagisa. "Shizuma is willing to help you if you let her." And with that, she strode over to the stairs and vanished from sight.

* * *

Hikari knocked on the door four times in succession, nervous at the prospect of Yaya's response. She had no idea how she would react, and wasn't relishing the opportunity to find out. Yaya's voice rang out, "Is that you Tamao-chan?" Hikari said, as submissively as possible, "Yaya-chan, it's me, Hikari."

The sound of several quick loud footsteps and the clattering sound of an unlocking door took her quite by surprise. The door swing open and Hikari felt Yaya's arms wrap tightly around her. Suddenly, the whole lead-up seemed stupid. Yaya wasn't angry or resentful towards Hikari, at least not here and now; she was, above all just happy to see her. Hikari felt tears soak the shoulder of her top as Yaya clung tightly to her, as if to try and stop her from getting away again.Hikari returned the hug, smiling that her friend was just as loyal as when she had left her.

* * *

Hikari felt a strange sense of ease at being back in her old room, with Yaya, but at the same time, felt a sense that she didn't belong here any more. _When I was here, I was still chasing the girl I loved. Now I have her, is this place still needed?_ She sat down on her old bed as Yayachanged out of her bedclothes. She felt incredibly comfortable around Yaya, moreso than almost anyone, so there was no need for the usual forced authority - it didn't suit her anyway. Yaya, dressed now, sat down next to Hikari and said knowingly "This is about my staying in here all day long, isn't it?"

Hikari nodded slightly. Yaya grinned and sat back on the bed, her back to the wall. Hikari moved back as well and said, in her more familiar meek tone, "Why are you doing this, Yaya-chan?"  
"You wouldn't understand," Yaya said, her voice losing the warmth it formerly possessed.  
Hikari protested, "Of course I understand, I did the same thing after I humiliated myself at the choir recital, didn't I? You're still upset about me moving away."  
Yaya turned around to face Hikari, her voice suddenly hostile as she shouted "Then you know exactly how I feel, and you know that there's nothing you can do to make me all better again!"  
Hikari was shocked by Yaya's sudden anger; she wasn't so sure that this was the Yaya she knew. And apparently Yaya was as taken aback. Her eyes widened with instant regret, tiny attempts at an apology formed under her breath. Hikari said, in a heartbreakingly offended voice, "When I was like this, Amane-senpai saved me. I don't know whether or not you want me to save you."

Yaya sneered at her. "You know perfectly well that you don't want to happen with us what happened with you and Amane, so don't talk to me about you wanting to 'save me', " she said coldly, "and it's a waste of both our time pretending you want to save me anyway. You don't need me anymore. Just admit it, you have Amane now, you don't need me. You've just cast me aside."  
"What do you mean, cast you aside?"  
Yaya's intense sneer continued as she said "You've replaced me with Amane. Everything we had, as friends, you have with her, only you prefer hers more. That hollow by the riding green, you go there when you're upset, or lonely, or have a problem. You don't come here, or to the garden by the church. You don't go to me any more, because you have Amane."

"I COULD NEVER CAST YAYA-CHAN ASIDE!!!!!!"

Hikari got up from the bed, tears welling up, and ran from the room. She knew this was not going to be a comfortable conversation, but how the two of them had ended up like this was still quite beyond her. She felt sick, shocked at her friend's hostility, despite her own kind intentions. Did she deserve it? Had she hurt her friend so much? Had her friend changed so much?

* * *

Amane was not particularly surprised as Hikari walked over to her, pale as a ghost, eyes red with tears. Instantly Amane felt angry. What had Yaya said to Hikari and what did Hikari do to deserve something that made her look so...scared? Hikari reached where Amane was sitting and hugged her tightly, sitting across her lap. Amane stroked the back of her head reassuringly. "What happened? What did she say?"

Amane heard Hikari weep in her arms, and then a small whisper to her. "It's all my fault that she's this way. I abandoned her. She thinks I hate her and you've replaced her."

Amane was taken aback by this; certainly she didn't expect such self-blame on Hikari's behalf. Such a beauty should not have something like that bothering her. But what to do? Did she really blame herself? Amane realised eventually what Hikari would have to do to salvage her relationship with Yaya. She said softly "Hikari, you should move back in with Yaya-chan."

Hikari nodded, and Amane kissed her slowly, carefully, desperate not to seem insensitive. Again, as their lips pursed together, Hikari recoiled a little, almost as if she was shocked. After the initial shock, Hikari seemed glad of the contact, and wrapped her arms around Amane's neck, pulling her in. As she seemed to get used to Amane's lips against hers, she seemed to calm, but Amane was still distracted by this. What was Hikari's problem with her kissing her?

* * *

Nagisa flopped wildly onto her bed, moaning softly about how exhausted she was. Tamao giggled - Nagisa was like this after every bit of exercise she did, and today's session at the indoor swimming pool had really taken their toll upon her. Tamao was tired as well, but that was more due to the lateness of the hour than to physical exertion. She sat down next to where Nagisa lay and prodded her in the back with her finger until she got up. Eventually, Nagisa seemed to decide that a repeated poking was a price worth paying for a lie-down, so Tamao gave up and spread herself out beside her on the bed. As she looked up at the ceiling, she asked Nagisa "When did you know that you loved Shizuma?"

Nagisa was completely taken off guard by this; Tamao had not asked anything about she and Shizuma's relationship before. She looked at her friend, puzzled, and then said, calmly, "It's not as easy as something that can be pinned on one moment. You know it for a while without it registering, and then it just…hits you."  
Tamao felt a sense of sickness again, a bitter sense that she's wasted her time, that someone she cared about so much, _loved so much,_ was completely out of her reach. But then…

"But now I'm not so sure."

Tamao's breath caught in her throat. She sat up and looked at Nagisa. "W-What do you mean, you're not sure?" She realised she was being a little intense, and quickly, grinning, she added, "You left during the middle of the Etoile Election for this girl. You'd better be sure."  
Nagisa smiled at her friend's concern, again too naïve to notice the badly hidden undertones in Tamao's reactions. She said "I've never really felt like I love someone before, so I have nothing to compare it against. Nothing to make sure it's how I imagined it. That's all."  
Tamao's mind filled with disappointment; how she had been longing for Nagisa to say how her relationship with Shizuma was a sham, or for her friend to look over at her meaningfully and purr longingly that there was _someone else_. Nagisa looked over at her friend. "Have you ever been in love?"

Tamao instantly became aware of how small the room was, how close they were, lying next to each other on her bed, how Nagisa looked so cute with her hair down., how beautiful she was when she looked tired. She was aware of how her breathing deepened ever so slightly, of her slowly moving closer and closer to her and reaching out, placing her own hand on top of Nagisa's. As she became vaguely aware that she was saying "…there is someone…" she gazed into her friend's rich brown eyes, and moved her head closer and closer towards her. Their lips brushed together briefly, then Tamao kissed her more deeply, feeling her own lips press harder and harder against Nagisa's. She felt a rush of joy; _Nagisa was not resisting, not recoiling. _Her heart beat faster, her hand reached up and ran itself through Nagisa's hair. This was a perfect moment. This was all she wanted.

Suddenly, as if released from a spell, Nagisa breathed in sharply and scrambled backwards, almost falling off the bed in her haste. Tamao's heart sank like a stone. Nagisa babbled, grasping for words, "T-T-Tamao…I - Uh - What are you doing?"  
Tamao knew what had happened. The final gamble that Yaya had talked about; was this it? Had she failed forever? Her mind whirled into gear, and something clicked. She sat up and laughed lightly "I'm so sorry Nagisa, but you talking about love made me feel a little jealous, and I guess I kind of lost it. Lost in the moment, and you sounded so _passionate._ I haven't really kissed before, and I was a little overcome. Plus you know I can't resist you when you look so cute!"

Nagisa was slightly taken aback by this unexpectedly peppy reply; she was half expecting one of them to cry. Thank God it was only one of Tamao's jokes, albeit a little more outrageous than before. She laughed awkwardly, and Tamao's face lit up with relief. _Why relief_, Nagisa thought, _was my getting the joke so important? I suppose if I thought she was serious, it could screw up everything._ She retreated to her own bed, commenting on _how late it is _and_ how if I don't get some sleep, maths will be hell tomorrow._ As she lay down, she thought to herself about what had just happened. She turned to face Tamao, whose face was a mix of anxiety and hopefulness, and said, "Tamao-chan, you're my best friend, and as far as I'm concerned, I'm okay doing something like that with you, just once."  
An astonished-looking Tamao froze for a second, and then laughed loudly. "Nagisa-chan, you're reading too far into it. It was a joke, that's all. You were so intense, so...smouldering..." she giggled uncharacteristically "...you needed a little shock to get you back to the real world."

Tamao crawled under her own covers, incredibly relieved at her own alibi; the atmosphere was awkward, but not the relationship-ruining one that could have been the result. Tamao reached up to her mouth and felt where her lips had made contact with those of the girl of her dreams. Given their current relation ship, it could have gotten a whole lot better, but it could have got so much worse. And yet, she felt like there was something inside her head, a small snide voice, calling her _coward_ and _loser_. She knew the moment their lips tore apart that she'd potentially ruined everything. She was scared of Nagisa, scared of losing her, scared of being hated by her. Nagisa caring about her, in her own way loving her, was what kept Tamao going. She loved Nagisa so much that she knew that she could never be with her.

But why not? Where had she failed? Was it inevitable? By the time Tamao first met Nagisa, she'd already encountered Shizuma. Shizuma had already kissed her. Tamao had barely even done that. And what was the situation now? Had she failed? Was THAT her moment of reckoning? Her one expression of her true feelings, which he herself had written off as a throwaway joke, would be taken as such?

Had she missed her chance forever?


End file.
